Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Selorejo Hotel & Resort Malang!
Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Selorejo Hotel & Resort Malang! - A Chaotic, Honest Review (Because Let's Be Real)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because I just got back from Selorejo Hotel & Resort in Malang, and I’m here to spill the tea. Forget those perfectly polished, marketing-speak reviews. This is the real deal, the unfiltered, “did I accidentally wear my pajamas to breakfast?” kind of review.
First Impressions: The Approach (and Accessibility… Sort Of)
Getting to Selorejo is an adventure in itself. Think winding roads, lush greenery, and the vague, tantalizing promise of a luxurious escape. The "accessibility" part, well… it's a mixed bag. The website touted "facilities for disabled guests," which is a relief. But honestly, the actual accessibility felt a little like someone ticked a box without, you know, really thinking about it. There is an elevator, which is a win. But navigating some of the pathways with a wheelchair might require a Sherpa and a hefty dose of patience. (More on that later – I'm not disabled myself, but I got a good look at things.)
Rooms: My Sanctuary (and the Blackout Curtains!)
My room? Chef’s kiss. Seriously. My room, according to the website, featured "Bathrobes, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens."
Okay, so it had everything. But let's talk about those blackout curtains. My god. They were life-altering. I'm a light sleeper, so being able to sleep in past sunrise was legitimately euphoric. Seriously, these things blocked out everything. Maybe a little too well, because I almost missed breakfast one day. But honestly, totally worth it. And the free Wi-Fi? Solid. Not lightning fast, but good enough for streaming the guilty pleasure of YouTube videos. Oh, and the extra-long bed? Perfect for sprawling out and pretending I'm royalty. The room felt luxurious, clean, and safe – a definite win.
Dining: A Buffet Bonanza and a Few Quirks
Food, glorious food! The breakfast buffet was a straight-up assault on the senses (in a good way). They have everything: "A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant". It's truly a feast. From crispy bacon to delicate pastries, they had it all. I tried everything. And I mean, everything.
One morning, I had an experience. I spied the most beautiful, perfectly poached egg, sitting atop a mound of fluffy potatoes. Thinking I was a master chef, I used my very poor balance skills, and grabbed the egg. I was so anxious to try it that I promptly dropped it all over myself!! In true comedic fashion, the staff was fantastic and immediately rushed to assist without any judgement.
However, there was one tiny thing. I swear, the coffee sometimes needed a little… improvement. Let’s just say I learned the hard way to order a double shot to kickstart my day. But hey, no place is perfect, right?
Things to Do (and Ways to Relax) – Spa Day Bliss!
Okay, this is where Selorejo really shines. "Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]"
The spa. Oh, the spa! I booked myself a massage, and it was pure, unadulterated, melt-into-the-table heaven. The masseuse was incredibly skilled, and I'm pretty sure I achieved peak relaxation. The experience made me feel like a new person!
The fitness center was well-equipped (though I only peeked inside – no judgment, please!). The outdoor pool? Picture-perfect. Swimming with that view was an unforgettable experience as the day melted into the evening.
Cleanliness, Safety, and the Not-So-Hidden Extras
This hotel really cares about cleanliness. "Anti-viral cleaning products, Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment". I felt incredibly safe the entire time. They were taking the Covid safety protocols very seriously, which was a HUGE relief!
And let's not forget the "Services and conveniences, Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center, For the kids, Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal, Access, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailable, Pets allowed, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms"
The gift shop? Dangerous. I spent way too much money on trinkets. The concierge was helpful and friendly. Basically, the staff went above and beyond to make my stay comfortable.
The Verdict (and a Little Ramble)
Would I go back? Absolutely. Despite the slightly wonky accessibility and the occasionally questionable coffee, Selorejo Hotel & Resort is a fantastic escape. It's luxurious, relaxing, and a total treat for the senses. I left feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and with a slightly emptier wallet (thanks, gift shop!). Would I recommend it? Yes. Just pack your patience (and maybe your favorite instant coffee).
Now, for the Sales Pitch (Because, Hello, I'm a Traveler!):
Stop Reading and Let's Book It!
Tired of the same old routine? Dream of waking up to breathtaking views, indulging in world-class spa treatments, and feasting on a breakfast buffet that'll make your taste buds sing? Selorejo Hotel & Resort in Malang awaits!
Here's the deal, folks:
- Unbelievable Escape: Lush surroundings, stunning architecture, and an atmosphere designed for pure bliss.
- Relaxation Central: From the spa to the pool, we've got you covered with ways to unwind.
- Cleanliness You Can Trust: We're obsessed with your safety, with rigorous hygiene protocols at every turn.
- Good Food, Good Times: Every meal is a celebration.
- Service with a Smile: Our staff is dedicated to making you feel like royalty.
Book your stay with us today and experience a slice of paradise! We're offering [mention special offers such as discounts on rooms, spa treatments or breakfast inclusions] for a limited time only. Don't miss out on this unforgettable getaway! Click [Insert Link Here] now and get ready to be pampered!
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Okay, buckle up, buttercups! Here's my attempt at a Selorejo Hotel & Resort Malang itinerary that's less "slick travel brochure" and more "unhinged, coffee-fueled journal entry." Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions, questionable decision-making, and the occasional existential crisis brought on by a particularly persistent mosquito.
Selorejo Hotel & Resort: An Attempt at Bliss (and Likely Failure)
Day 1: Arrival & The Great Buffet Battle (aka, The Carb Coma)
- 1:00 PM - Arrival & Check-in: Ugh, the airport. Always. Finally, after what felt like an eternity cramped in this budget airline, we made it! Selorejo, here we come! The driver, bless his soul (or, at least, his air conditioning) took us here. Check-in was surprisingly smooth, a minor miracle, because my brain’s still half-stuck on Indonesia time. The lobby… well, it’s functional. I guess. A bit dated, sure, but hey, at least the air conditioning (again, praise!) works.
- 2:00 PM – The Great Buffet Battle: Okay, so this is where things went south. Or, rather, south towards the delicious, carb-laden buffet. It's buffet time. I'm talking mountains of rice, noodles, questionable meats, and more things I’d never identify in a million years. I, being the genius I am, decided to "sample everything." Big mistake. Huge. I’m not sure what I ate, but I'm pretty sure it involved deep-fried something and a sauce that was either incredibly spicy or suspiciously bland. Now, I am in a food coma of epic proportions. I'm not even sure I can walk to my room. This is the moment when I think “Did I pack too much?” and the answer is always yes.
- 4:00 PM - Room Reconnaissance & The Mosquito Menace: The room? Fine. Cleanish. The view… okay, it's mostly trees. And the mosquito net? Oh, sweet, sweet mosquito net. I'm immediately convinced the hotel is a conspiracy against me, a lone traveler just trying to enjoy a little vacation. Apparently, the mosquitoes are here for me. They know. I spend a solid hour trying to strategize a defense plan. Maybe I'll sleep in my clothes? Maybe I'll cover myself head to toe in insect repellent and pray to the bug gods? I am not sure I will win.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner & Evening Stroll (Attempted): More food! Ugh, I'm still full from the buffet, but gotta push through. Dinner: more rice, more mystery meats. I have to admit, the local cuisine is starting to grow on me, but I’m not sure if it’s in a good way. Decided to take a "relaxing" stroll around the resort after dinner, but was promptly attacked by the mosquito swarm. Back to the room, defeated and slightly itchy.
Day 2: Waterfalls, Rambles, and Existential Dread
- 8:00 AM - Breakfast & Regrets: I wake up with a slight tremor in my hands from the caffeine, a vague sense of dread (more mosquitoes!), and the realization… “I ate what last night?” Breakfast is… more options. I eat some toast. Some fruit. I regret everything.
- 9:00 AM - Waterfall Excursion (and, You Know, Actually Having Fun!): Okay, this was cool! We booked a tour to a nearby waterfall. The drive was scenic, winding up and up through lush greenery. I tried to take some photos, but my phone’s camera clearly doesn't understand beauty. The waterfall itself was breathtaking. The water was clear, the air was fresh, I may have actually, for a moment, felt blissful. Then, I slipped on a rock and nearly ate it. But, hey, at least I was alive, right? A complete, total, victory in a life of failures, for me.
- 12:00 PM - Lunch & Reflection: Back at the resort, lunch. Soup. It was okay. I spent the time reflecting on… well, on life, on my choices. Am I happy? Am I… mosquito bait? Am I enjoying myself? The answers, like the buffet’s mystery meats, are unclear.
- 2:00 PM - Free time and The Great Pool Mystery: The pool. Looked tempting, but the water was… well, let's say it wasn't the sparkling turquoise of the brochures. It was more of a murky, "is that algae?" kinda green. I wimped out. Instead, I sat on the balcony and stared at the trees. Watched some monkeys. Had another existential crisis.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner, the Mosquito Fight, Round 2: I ate what I could. I thought about the mosquitoes. I was exhausted. I went to bed.
Day 3: Escape! (and The Unfinished Business of Paradise)
- 8:00 AM - Last Breakfast & a Moment of Clarity? Breakfast. The usual suspects. Some fruit. Some toast. No regrets. And suddenly… it hit me. I’m leaving. Today. And, despite all the hiccups, questionable food, and mosquito battles, I was going to miss this weird, flawed, wonderful place.
- 10:00 AM - Check-out & Departure, Finally: Check-out was uneventful, blessedly. The staff was smiling. The air was warm. Driving away, I was sure I left something behind. But not a thing. I was, in fact, free.
- 11:00 AM - Goodbye, Selorejo: Goodbye, Selorejo Hotel & Resort. You were… an experience. Mostly good, some bad, a whole lot of weird. I’ll never forget you. And maybe, just maybe, I will come back one day. Just… maybe invest in better mosquito nets? And a buffet chef who knows what “mild” means?
(Post Script)
I did not do everything I set out to do. I did not fully explore the resort. My romanticized vision of a perfectly planned holiday utterly dissolved. Sometimes I wanted to scream, or eat more carbs. But? It was real. And next time? I'm packing extra bug spray. And maybe a Hazmat suit.
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Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Selorejo Hotel & Resort Malang - FAQ...ish!
Um, What *Exactly* is Selorejo Hotel & Resort? Is it, like, actual luxury? I'm picturing gold toilets.
Okay, so picture this: you're in Malang, which is already gorgeous, right? And then you stumble upon Selorejo. It's this sprawling resort thing, right on the edge of a lake. Luxury? Well, let's just say it's aiming for that. Gold toilets? Nah, sorry to disappoint. (Though, I wouldn't *completely* rule out a gold-plated faucet somewhere... wouldn't be super surprised.) I *did* see some ridiculously large, plush sofas that looked like they could swallow me whole. And the views... *chef's kiss*. More like, luxury with a capital "L" that tries really hard, but with a slightly down-to-earth feel. Think fancy picnic basket meets expensive spa day. It's not Vegas, but it's definitely a step up from your average budget stay.
The Rooms! Spill the tea – are they worth the price tag? And are they *clean*? Because, let's be real, that's important.
Right, rooms. Okay, *here's* the thing. I stayed in one of the lake view villas (splurging, I know, don’t judge me). It was... spacious. Like, seriously, I could have held a small dance party in the bathroom. The bed? Cloud-like. I swear, it nearly swallowed me whole (again with the swallowing!). Was it worth the price? Mmm, depends on your perspective. The view from the balcony was stunning – postcard perfect. The decor was trying to be "chic" but felt just a *teeny bit* dated, like it was stuck in the early 2010s. And the cleanliness? Generally, yes! Spotlessly clean. Thank heavens. I'm a cleanliness freak. But there was *maybe* a cobweb in a corner I *might* have discreetly ignored. Don't tell anyone.
Let's talk Food! Is the food as good as the views? Or are we talking overpriced mediocre hotel grub?
Okay, the food. This is where things get a little... *complicated*. They did have a decent buffet breakfast, which always brightens my day. A decent omelet station is the sign of a good hotel in my book and they didn't disappoint. The service was amazing! Their staff are absolutely lovely. Also, their coffee wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I went into the buffet expecting a bit of a struggle, to be honest. But the food was...well, let's just say "adequate". Nothing to write home about, per se, but nothing actively offensive either. The dinner at the main restaurant? A bit pricier, sure, but the presentation was on point! More like a culinary performance. Food-wise... still just 'okay'. It didn't blow my socks off, but hey, the ambiance helped. And the cocktails? Those were tasty!
Tell me about the activities! Like, what's there to *do*? Besides, you know, stare at the lake all day. (Which, admittedly, sounds pretty tempting.)
Alright, activities! Yes, staring at the lake *is* highly recommended. I did a lot of that. But there's more! They have a massive pool – seriously, Olympic-sized maybe? Though I got the feeling that the lake was more inviting, it looked so stunning. They also have bicycles you can rent, which is a great way to explore the resort grounds. They have a spa; I heard great things from somebody who got a massage, (my aching back really wished it was me). They have a small gym. I considered using it... but the aforementioned lake view was *really* calling my name. And, if you're feeling adventurous, they offer some kind of watersports, but I'm a total klutz, so I gave those a miss. The activities are geared towards relaxation rather than extreme adventure. So, chill and enjoy!
Okay, let's be real. What was the *worst* part? Every place has a flaw. Spill the tea!
Ugh, yes, the "worst" part. Okay, this is going to sound nitpicky, but here goes. The service, while generally lovely, had these moments of... *confusion*. Like, ordering room service took maybe an hour longer than it should have. And sometimes I'd call the front desk and get someone who seemed genuinely bewildered by my request for extra towels. (Come on, people, I'm on vacation, I need ALL the towels!) Oh, but the worst of it all wasn't the staff, it was the *music*. Some of the choices were... questionable. I swear I heard the same elevator music loop three times in the span of an hour! It got under my skin, I even started humming it in the shower! It was driving me crazy, and it seemed like I was the only one who noticed. But that's just me, I'm a music snob, I'll admit. Overall, the occasional service hiccups were annoying but not a deal-breaker.
Would you go back? Be honest!
Hmm... would I go back? That's a tough one. If I was looking for a super-luxurious, flawless experience, maybe not. There's always a new hotel to try. But if I wanted a relaxing getaway with incredible views, and a chance to truly *chill out*? Yeah, I probably would. Especially if I could get a good deal. And if they promised to change the elevator music. Just sayin'. Plus, I think the staff were just so genuinely nice. They made all the little imperfections easier to overlook. So, yeah, probably. I need a good lake view in my life, and Selorejo certainly delivers on *that* front!
Is it family friendly?
Absolutely! The resort is really a good place for families! They have a playground, kids play area, and the pool is great for all ages. The rooms are spacious enough. Plus, all around the property, it is very safe for kids. The place doesn't have only kids, there are couples, groups, or people just traveling alone, so there are all sorts of travelers.
What's the best time to visit Selorejo Hotel & Resort?
The best time to visit Selorejo is during the dry season in East Java, which typically runs from May to October. The weather is generally sunny and pleasant, ideal for exploring the resort's outdoor activities and enjoying the lake views. Be sure to book in advance, especially if you're planning a trip during peak season or holidays, as the resort can get quite busy.
